Like many other young educated students, I took evolution as the most civilised thought and possible answer to the formation of life and hence the world. I confronted Wendy with this, as I knew that she believed in creation. As usual, I
expected her to tell me how God made the world, but instead, she said to me that if I want to know how the world was made, I had to read the book of Genesis from the Bible myself, and I thank God that I did.
That was the first time I opened the
Bible, (a Thai Bible) to read it myself. I was disappointed that I did not find any facts and figures, but only the plain statement of God’s creation. Nevertheless, I found the Bible fascinating enough that I went on reading it to the point
that I accepted that there is a God in Christianity, just like Buddha for Buddhism, and Mohamed for Islam, but whom I should believe to be the only real One to follow, was another matter.
Life got tougher for me at this time as many changes of plans
and decisions to be made for our future as a family. We decided that my younger sister should continue her education at home being looked after by my brother, and I should come to do nursing training in England being looked after by Penny. We seemed
to be happy and settled with this, though I had some doubts and fears for myself and was not all for the idea of coming to England. My family was a little suspicious of my unwillingness to come to England and teased me that I must have get a boyfriend
at home. This made me feel that I had got to prove them wrong.
I was happy and contented living in Thailand, and I love my home land. The thought of living a life in a foreign land was very daunting and frightening. I never felt
so lost, vulnerable and insecure. I was so restless and burdened by these thoughts and so badly wanted to be rid of them, so that I could be confident and in control of my own life again. I really missed my parents at this time and wished that
I could have them back with me again.
I decided to resolve the matter by becoming religious. I thought this would keep me in a good and righteous path, and I should be safe all the way. Buddhism seemed to be the natural choice
for me as both of my parents were very strong Buddhists. My mother used to get up at five in the morning to cook the best food to give to the monks who walked past the house in the early morning. My father would pay anything for some old and ancient
Buddha, and had a room full of them (which my brother inherited). He would also make offerings of food, burn incense and pray to them every morning. But my parents never tried to control our minds or put pressure on us to be like them, and often
said that we were free to think and believe what we liked, as they were our lives to live.
Buddhism teaches re-incarnation which involves making merit and doing many good deeds in this life in order to be born better in the next life, and so on.
I remembered having a fight with my brother when we were small, and managed to lock him in a room. He kept on pleading me, saying how nice I was as his little sister, but I refused to let him out. Then, he tried different tactic by saying that
it was naughty of me to lock my brother in, and that I could be born as a dog in the next life. Still, I remained stubborn saying that it’s not all that bad to be a dog. But he went on further to say that I may not be just a nice normal dog,
but I could be a stray dog with leprosy, because I was so naughty. This really worked, and I sprang up and released him instantly.
You can see that logically, by being a religious Buddhist, I would still not be relieved of my burden. Since
I just could not rely on myself to be good and righteous all the time, there was no guarantee that everything would be all right for me in the end. I confided this to Wendy, who told me something which I never knew before, that if I believed in God and
committed my life to Him, I would be saved, and once I was saved by Him, I would be saved forever, no matter what happened, and my reward is to be with Him in heaven.